had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
