Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
