How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
