I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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