Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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