How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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