Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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