Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
