I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
