Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
