I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
