I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
