I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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