i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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