Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
