Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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