Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so let's talk penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
