i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
