I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
