so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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