u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
