he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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