as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
