Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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