these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level