I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.