Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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