we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I cockslap morals
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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