Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
