we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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