can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
