Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
