need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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