Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize