I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
