I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
