he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
