Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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