There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
