I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
