Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
