We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
