Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
