He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
