He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
