escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize