Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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