Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
