I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
