Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
