I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hippo gnu deer
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize