If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
