Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
