Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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