You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
