and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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