Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
