____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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