More tranny stories later!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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