girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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