help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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