Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
