That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
