it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
