Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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