is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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