R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
