You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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