Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
