why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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