So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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