why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
