She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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