And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
