I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
