sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
