I cockslap morals
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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