hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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