Can Purell be used as lube?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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